I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
