I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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