I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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