buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
