And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well you can't waste a boner
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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