mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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