so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
