Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
