After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
