Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
