he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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