Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
