I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
