Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
