You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
