I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
