dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
