all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
