i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
