you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
