real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
