i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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