dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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