but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
