its not stalking. its research.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this will be a night to untag.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
