Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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