Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
