I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
