You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
