So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize