Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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