Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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