She is in my trunk
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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