She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
