Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
