do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
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dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
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No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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