I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
