He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
