ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
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Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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