I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
