just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
