So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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