i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
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What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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