I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
