remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Buhtt sex?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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