So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
