Im at strip club and am horny
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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