can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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