I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
