I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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