but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
