That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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