Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
