Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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