Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
