I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
