Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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