Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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