Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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