omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
