Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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